Before I got married, someone once told me that when children are little they walk all over your feet, but when they get older they walk all over your heart. I have absolutely no idea what that meant until I had children (all three of them!) of my own. Now don't get me wrong, all in all, the monkies are good around the house, pretty responsible and somewhat helpful. But there are some little things they do that drive me absolutely bananas because after all, one of the most personal gifts a child can ever give their parent is the possibility of a nervous breakdown.
So take heed if you are a child reading this, for here is a list of things you can do to drive your parents nutty. All tried and tested, just for you.
1. Ask your parents the same silly questions over and over again. This is one surefire way of driving them batty and it usually culminates with them shrieking, “Can you just stop asking the same question already??!!” It tends to work well in trying to get what you want by pestering them until they give in or give up, whichever comes first.
2. When dining outside, suck on your straw hard enough so that it makes noise. Then yank it out of the glass quickly and let the drink drip onto the table. Straw gets confiscated? Then just pout and declare that you are NOT hungry at all and then immediately beg for dessert.
3. It is a well-known fact that parents hate sleep. So do your duty as a child and wake up extremely early on weekend mornings. Make tons of noise while you are at it too, rendering it almost impossible for your parents to sleep in.
4. In fact, sleep deprivation need not be solely confined to the weekends. Feel free to get creative to ensure that your parents get as little sleep as possible, like asking for company to go to the bathroom, requesting multiple glasses of water or just wanting to chat at 3am.
5. One of the best ways to drive your parents up the wall - and this is my personal fave - is to answer your parent's question with a question. Just repeat the question Dad or Mum just asked you, like “Do you have to bring your English Workbook to school tomorrow?” and answer back with “Do I have to bring your English Workbook to school tomorrow? I don’t know.”
6. Complain that you are bored. All the time. Take no notice of the toys, books or computer games in the house. Just go on with the “I’m Bored, What Can I Do” chant and watch that strand of black hair turn white before your very eyes. Or if you are really lucky, a bald patch is the definitive gold standard.
7. Watch the same cartoons over and over, so much until your parents will be singing the theme songs of the cartoons in their minds. And because they will not be able to stand those shows anymore, they will make themselves scarce the next time the same cartoon comes on. Which leaves you to probably watch anything you want.
8. Final point, and this applies more to the boys. When changing out of your clothes, ensure that your underwear that is inside out is still attached to your pants, that are also inside out. For maximum effect, leave them smack in the middle of the room. Downright nasty, and it gets to the parents every single time.
So there you go, eight ways to drive your parents to the brink. Of course there are still more ways to drive your parents crazy, like seeking reinforcements in the form of your Grandparents or irritating your siblings to no end, but these will suffice. For now.