Jan 3, 2020

Turning Fifteen

Hi dude,

Well, here we are - I woke up and you’re 15. Every year this day, I find myself asking how on earth did it go by so fast? Before you and I both know it, you will soon be enlisting for National Service. 

It feels like just moments ago since I last sat in front of my computer, trying to find the words to pen a blog post for your welcome-to-teendom 13th birthday, then it was your 14th, and yet here we are, FIFTEEN.

I think I have to stop deceiving myself - that you are no longer that tiny baby placed in my arms, nor the toddler who so willingly held my hand while outside, and definitely not that little boy who allowed me to pepper kisses all over your cheeks.

Instead you have grown into a dependable and responsible young man, whom I'm glad that you are being recognised for these admirable traits in school.

You have a huge heart and never hesitate to help friends and family. You help out around in the house without question - most of the time anyway - and are ensure your younger siblings clean up after themeselves too... usually by barking orders. 😅

But yet, you can be silly and goofy too - joking, laughing, tickling, giggling, guffawing toether with Ayd & Ale in a hearbeat. You are also especially loving towards your four grandparents and take great pains to look after them whenever we are outside with them.

And I know how hard it has been for you when Kong-kong passed away last April. You were his first and favourite grandchild and he loved you to bits. I will never forget how loud you wailed when you first learnt of his passing, how you collapsed to the ground in grief. During his funeral, you insisted on sacrificing your sleep just to keep vigil at the void deck throughout the night. You seldom wish to talk about it but both Mummy and I know how much you miss him... and still do.

The pain will never go away but these are the sort of feelings that you have to learn to deal with while growing up. Being fifteen is like being caught in a funny stage, you feel like you are in limbo, still technically a child but feeling like a young adult in so many ways.

I see so much of myself in you Ash. And the funny thing is for all the times I get angry with you, I find myself asking myself, “Why am I scolding him when he is exactly like me?” 😂

But I also do know that as you grow older, your priorities will change, they won’t always include me – and that’s okay. (Not that I have a choice anyway) I guess it is all about making the most of every small moment and holding on to it until the next one comes around. Like the moments when you snuggled close to me and just gave me a light hug. Or the moments when you leant your head onto Mummy for no apparent reason. Or just chatting about the most random of things over meal times. Or how you let me watch Netflix on the TV even though every second away from your own Playstation game must feel like a lifetime. 🤣

And whatever the coming year may bring, I am so excited to see what it has in store for you.

Happy 15th Birthday, Ash.



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